Last March, one the first day of spring, I ambled through one of the most challenging days of my professional life. My beloved Nacho (picture him: a chihuahua-pit bull mix) who had been my faithful 24/7 work-from-home companion + Assistant Career Coach extraordinaire for eight beautiful years, passed away after a sudden one-day-he’s-normal-and-the-next-day-he’s-not illness that left him completely blind and largely incontinent for 3 months.
Three brutal months. Picture it: dozens of Zoom coaching sessions with high-powered executives each week, with Nacho hyperventilating (or napping) at my feet, and my eyes subtly watering—not just when clients shared truly profound experiences and insights in the session. The day Nacho transitioned was no doubt a heartbreakingly craptastic moment, and I found myself grappling with the acute pain of loss while also preparing for a TV news appearance--the very next day. It was a stark reminder of how life can present us with dark moments and exciting once-in-a-lifetime opportunities in the same relentless breath. Oh, Universe, I dare not curse you, but you sure know how to thrash us humans about like rag dolls on a rollercoaster… For a few minutes I considered skipping the news show altogether, but I had been working my behind off for years—years, not months—for such an opportunity, and I decided I couldn’t squander the moment. So, I showed up… Barely. If you watch the news reel closely, you can spot the uncharacteristic stress zit that appeared out of nowhere on my neck. I had other things on my mind, I didn’t care, but luck just wasn’t on my side that day. Many months later, the night before filming the very last episode of the same news series, tragedy struck again: my neighborhood sustained a devastating once-in-a-hundred-year flood. I don’t think I slept 30 minutes that night, and in the morning I had to be in NYC and camera ready once again. I sat in the corner of a nearby cafe getting ready, holding ice cubes under my ginormous eye bags, and it kinda worked. Well, see for yourself. The smile was real, but so was the exhaustion and fear that you may not have noticed had you been watching the news that day. This is why I never let a smile deceive me on social media. Plenty of my new clients arrive at my proverbial doorstep, their LinkedIn profiles picture-perfect, but their work lives (and personal lives) in shambles, or just not in a great place. If you’ve ever had an “IRL” conversation with me, you know there’s more to that iceberg than meets the eye, but let’s leave those stories for another day (I’m an open book, so feel free to say hello and ask anything you wish to ask). This week I came across a study published in the peer-reviewed journal Society and Animals suggesting that people are more empathetic towards their furry friends than toward fellow humans. More precisely, people are more empathetic toward puppies and even adult dogs than they are to adult human beings. Make of that what you will.
As an executive coach and HR consultant, I've worked with countless entrepreneurs, leaders, managers, and professionals who admit they struggle with empathy. There are two camps: (1) the highly empathetic who over-empathize (often people in care taking industries, as well as HR functions, the latter which are sometimes called "People people") and burn out, having no empathy left to give. And, interestingly, (2) a second camp of people who admit they never had much empathy to begin with. They're not wired that way, they tell me, and that's okay. As a coach, and frankly as a flawed human, it's not my place to judge anyone, and certainly not my awesome clients. If you want to get into the head of a self-identified sociopath, check out this recent article from The Wall Street Journal. But here's the thing: empathy is not just a "nice-to-have" soft skill. It's a critical component of effective leadership and, in my humble personal *and* professional opinion (having coached 700+ clients around the world), empathy is truly a hidden competitive advantage in today's fast-paced, diverse, and increasingly complex business world. When leaders lack empathy, they often face a host of challenges: increased workplace drama, higher levels of stress, and a lack of trust and engagement among their teams. As you probably know, if you're alive, these issues can quickly snowball, consuming valuable time and energy that could be better spent on innovation, creativity, and strategic thinking. I'd love it if everyone were "perfectly" empathetic and kind, but that's wishful thinking. People have different upbringings, brain chemistries, and belief systems--period. Yet, how can "sub-empathetic" leaders and professionals of any ilk cultivate this essential skill? It starts with practical conversations and a willingness to step outside one's comfort zone. First, it's important to understand the business case for empathy. When leaders take the time to understand and appreciate the perspectives, feelings, and experiences of their team members, they foster a culture of trust, respect, and psychological safety. This, in turn, leads to higher levels of engagement, productivity, and employee retention, and this translates into dollars, not just good vibes. In other words, empathy is not just a feel-good concept; it's a strategic imperative. A couple of weeks ago, I had a business owner coaching client admit that he never cared much about others. If I recall correctly, he was an only child, though that fact alone does not explain his lack of empathy. Perhaps ironically, he was in the healthcare industry. He said he "liked" helping people for the most part, but it wasn't ever tied to his emotions. And he really loved the money that he could earn by helping bring relief, comfort, confidence or joy back into people's lives. Most importantly, he said he wanted to get better at empathy--and that was truly heartening to hear. It's not up to me, but in an ideal world such leaders should work on increasing their emotional awareness. This involves paying attention to nonverbal cues, actively listening to others, asking evocative and not just banal questions, and regularly checking in with team members to gauge their well-being and job satisfaction. It also means being aware of one's own emotions and how they may impact others. Evocative questions might be "what was the best part of your day?" Or "what are you most proud of?" versus banal questions which are sometimes important but rarely life-changing or rapport-building, like "did it rain this morning?") Cross-cultural sensitivity is another key aspect of empathy. In today's global business environment, leaders must be able to navigate and appreciate different cultural norms, communication styles, and values. This requires a willingness to learn, an open mind, and a healthy dose of curiosity. Most, if not all, of my clients subscribe to this belief, and I have clients on all continents (yes, even one who was briefly in Antarctica during our engagement, so I'm counting that one--if you know anyone who is stationed in Antarctica at least part-time, please let me know: I'll offer both you *and* them a high-caliber free coaching session). Finally, leaders can boost their overall emotional intelligence (EQ) by seeking out feedback, coaching, and opportunities for personal growth. This may involve taking an EQ assessment, working with a coach or mentor, or participating in leadership development programs that focus on soft skills. There are tons of resources online already, I don't need to add to the noise. The bottom line? Empathy is not a luxury; it's a necessity for modern leaders. By cultivating this critical skill, "sub-empathetic" leaders can reduce workplace drama, minimize stress, and create a culture of trust and engagement. And that's not just good for people; it's good for business. So, if you're a leader who struggles with empathy, I mean this honestly: don't despair. With practical conversations, a willingness to learn, and a commitment to personal growth, you can develop this hidden competitive advantage and take your leadership to the next level. I've never said it would be be easy, but I believe it will be worth it (and my hundreds of elated clients would agree). The last thing I'll mention here is something powerful: no matter where we exist on the empathy spectrum, from regular empaths to hyper-empaths to sub-empaths, showing empathy to others can have a profound impact. When you start to show other people empathy, it causes a beautiful ripple in the universe. It can inspire others to pay it forward, and often it reminds us to show kindness, love, patience and forgiveness to ourselves. I invite you to think about examples in your life where this has been true. And if you're struggling to find such examples, that's okay, too. If you're curious about the power of coaching and what harnessing empathy can do for your career or business (whether you're a company of one or 100,001), schedule a no-nonsense discovery call. 15 minutes might not change your mind, but it can possibly change the course of your life. If you skew skeptical, so do I. Here are some real reviews, and there are more thoughtful "Recommendations" on my LinkedIn profile. Cheers--be kind to not just to others but also to yourself. Some people seem born knowing exactly what they want to do with their lives. “When I grow up, I want to be a chef” they assert as youth—and then they go out—voila!—and become a chef. If only it were so easy for the rest of us.
The truth is, the career path for a good number of people is roundabout, circuitous, and anything but direct. People experiment, explore, and pivot from industry to industry, from one job function to another, relocating from one geography to another—and sometimes they do all three changes at the same time, which can be thrilling and terrifying all at once. As a coach, I know that career uncertainty is a common dilemma for professionals out there, and one that often leaves individuals feeling stuck in a rut and unsure about their next professional move. Unfortunately, all too often it keeps them in dead-end or otherwise toxic jobs for months, years, and sometimes even decades. So, here we have our big, hairy problem: you feel stuck in your career. You may be disillusioned or detached from the work, and the quality of your performance may suffer, or you may even be working TOO hard and throwing yourself too deeply into your work, all in an effort to avoid wrestling with the bigger question of what you should do next with your (professional) life. Sadly, there are no secret potions or magic pills to make the problem suddenly disappear. Sometimes time and patience solve the problem, but chances are you’ve been patient long enough, and you’re ready for a change—you just don’t know the specifics about what form that change should take. Enter the superhero of career exploration: informational interviewing (if you’re rolling your eyes or cringing, I’d love to know why). What Is Informational Interviewing? First, let’s quicky define it: what is informational interviewing? In a nutshell, informational interviewing is a very strategic and rather proactive approach to career exploration and networking, and the good news is that it’s not very complicated: at its simplest, informational interviewing involves seeking and conducting interviews with professionals in your field (or fields) of interest to gain insights, advice, and a deeper understanding of the industry. The stakes are usually lower, and the stress is lower too, because unlike in job interviews, the primary goal is not to secure a position but rather to gather information, build connections, and explore potential career paths. It's a valuable tool for individuals seeking guidance, clarity, and mentorship in their professional journey. You may think it’s only for entry-level professionals who are just starting out, but you’d be wrong. Informational interviewing has proven useful for many of my mid-level and even some senior-level clients. All of which to say, don’t knock it ‘til you try it, even if you have 10 or 20+ years of work experience under your belt. Unleashing the Power of Informational Interviewing Imagine possessing a key that unlocks doors to otherwise hidden insights, guidance, and newfound clarity about your career. That key is none other than informational interviewing. If you bring your whole self to the conversation, it's not just a mundane Q&A session; it can be an enjoyable journey of discovery that can clarify and even transform your career trajectory. Feeling lost in your career is like navigating a maze blindfolded. Informational interviewing can act as a valuable guide. It may not answer all of your questions, certainly not immediately, and it can even beget more questions in some cases, but most of my clients who take up the task find that informational interviews help them start to peel back the layers of uncertainty. It gives them a sense of purpose, action and momentum—a focus where previously there wasn’t one. By connecting with professionals who have walked similar paths, you gain a clearer understanding of industry trends, potential opportunities, and the skills required to thrive. There is not just one way to informationally interview. Finding what works for you (and is sustainable) is key. Some people do this naturally, keeping tabs on former colleagues and bosses as people disperse into new companies, industries, and locations. For other people, it requires a bit of intentional effort. It is indeed an investment of your time: you have to reach out to people, ask if/when they’re available, and then you have to show up (virtually or in person), have the conversation, and possibly send a thank you/follow up. This all requires energy, yes, but the potential ROI is often worth it. Keep in mind that some conversations will be more enjoyable than others. Some will be energizing, and others may feel draining. That is okay. It's part of the dance. Keep going. The Surprising Joy of Networking Networking as a general concept often gets a bad rap for being too formal or intimidating or transactional. Informational interviewing, on the other hand, adds a touch of ease to the process. It may involve having coffee with a mentor who shares similar experiences (or wildly different ones!), sprinkled with anecdotes and laughs and tears (depending on how emotional the person is). The focus is on the other person, so that helps to take the "heat" off of you. You’re there to ask about the other person’s journey, about their career or current company and role, about why they’ve made the career decisions they have. Sometimes people think of informational interviewing as a selfish act. But, remember, that by being an active listener and lending an ear, you are giving the other person the "gift" of your attention. Most humans love being listened to, and it is indeed a wonderful gift to give someone your undivided time and attention--even if it is for just a few minutes. It's a form of respect, friendship or even love, depending on the relationship. Sometimes people avoid informational interviews because they don’t know what to talk about. The good news is that you just have to show up… and listen. If it helps, below are a few sample questions you can ask—but make sure you’re listening to the other person, and asking questions customized and based on their responses to demonstrate that you are listening, and that you care: Sample Informational Interview Questions to Get The Ball Rolling: Introduction and Background: Can you tell me a bit about your career journey and how you got to where you are today? What sparked your interest in industry X? Industry and Company Insights: How would you describe the current trends and challenges in our industry? Can you share your perspective on the company culture in your workplace? What was your favorite place to work at, and why? And your least favorite place? Day-to-Day Responsibilities: What does a typical day or week look like in your role? How do you prioritize and manage your tasks? Skill Development and Qualifications: What skills do you believe are crucial for success in this field? Are there any certifications or qualifications you would recommend for someone starting in this profession? Career Advice: If you could give one piece of advice to someone exploring a career in industry/function X, what would it be? What do you wish you had known when you started your career? Networking and Professional Growth: How important do you think networking is in this industry, and do you have any tips for effective networking? What strategies have you used to continue learning and growing in your career? Industry Changes and Future Outlook: How do you see this industry evolving in the next few years? Are there any emerging trends or technologies that professionals in this field should be aware of? Work-Life Balance: How do you manage work-life balance in a demanding profession? What advice do you have for maintaining a healthy work-life integration? Mentorship and Guidance: Have you had mentors throughout your career, and how have they influenced your professional development? How do you think mentorship contributes to success in this field? Closing Questions: Is there anything else you think I should know or any resources you would recommend? Can you suggest other professionals in the industry who might be open to informational interviews? These are just some sample questions. As you get into the swing of things, chances are you will get even better at asking thoughtful, powerful questions that engage and maybe even impress the other person. So, taking all of the above into account, if you find yourself at a career crossroads, feeling a bit lost or unsure about your next career move, consider the (potential) transformative power of informational interviewing. It's not just a professional tool; it can help inject energy, momentum and hope to light the way as you to navigate the often overwhelming maze of career choices. Consider the value and benefits of taking the plunge, connecting with professionals who inspire and energize you (I repeat: even if some informational interviews are less exciting and feel less useful than others--keep going!), and watching as your career path unfolds with newfound clarity and purpose. Best of luck! Note: I have coached hundreds of professionals on numerous continents, and the *only* people who have found informational interviewing to be unhelpful are (1) the people who haven’t yet tried it, or (2) those who go into it expecting immediate results. Building relationships and gaining clarity can take time, and patience + persistence are your friends in this equation. So don't wait. Get started, especially if you've felt stuck for far too long. And if you’re feeling rusty and looking for support and guidance around how to network and interview confidently, I am here to help. |
About DawidPoly-creative and complex human who fills up his days as a career coach, executive coach, resume writer, and personal brand / communications specialist. Conqueror of excuses and doubts. Bakes a mean éclair and snaps thought-provoking photos, but is best known for helping clients achieve personal + professional growth and fulfillment. Archives
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